


Potter-in-law

by BethRedus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi, and their SOs ever more, because all potters are ridiculous, ok, so this was sort of a rant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 06:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5119034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BethRedus/pseuds/BethRedus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucius Malfoy, as an heir to an outstanding pureblood family that valued tradition above all, had been trained from a very early age how to socialize and converse. All of this training however had not prepared him for his son getting engaged to Harry Potter and the entire family of the latter invading the manor to discuss wedding plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potter-in-law

Lucius Malfoy, as an heir to an outstanding pureblood family that valued tradition above all, had been trained from a very early age how to socialize and converse. Small talk, light banter and subtle interrogation were a second nature to him from the age of five, social grace was his middle name.

All of this training however had not prepared him for the glorious event of his only son and heir, his pride and joy, getting engaged to Harry _bloody-fucking-whymerlin_ Potter and the entire family of the latter, invading the manor (upon the invitation of his wife) to discuss wedding plans.

It did not prepare him for Molly Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Fleur Weasley and Pansy Parkinson, running about his house in a gaggle behind Narcissa, chattering away like a heard of geese about cummerbunds and flower arrangements.

It did not prepare him for two ginger twins and Ronald Weasley surveying the roof of the manor for the purpose of firework-launch inspection.

It did not prepare him for Hermione Granger raiding the family library (Draco said help yourself) and trying to infiltrate the inner circle of the kitchens to rally the house elves into striking.

It did not prepare him for Luna Lovegood scattering about dried herbs and bits of unidentified greenery to purify the house for the upcoming union.

And above all things it did not prepare him for having Evelyn Evans, a muggle (MUGGLE) and grandmother of the groom, sitting in his parlor and his wifes command to ,,keep her company” still ringing in his ears.  
He had offered her tea.  
He had called a house-elf and ordered tea and biscuits, scones, cucumber sandwiches, the whole works.  
The house-elf had brought the order and set it all out on the table.  
They both had two cups of tea in silence.  
And now he was at wits end.  
,,May I show you the gardens, Mrs. Evans?”  
,,Thank you for you kind offer, but I´m afraid I must decline. My hip is bothering me lately, I can´t do much walking about. But your garden, what I have seen from the window, truly is magnificent. You wife is a keen gardener?”  
They small-talked about the garden and Narcissas plans to expand it, but soon fell silent again.  
This was only going from bad to worse.

The elderly woman picked up her teacup again and gave a deep sigh.  
,,You know, Mr. Malfoy, my daughter married a Potter too, and believe me, as strange as it is, it is not the end of the world. They are a mighty exhausting bunch sometimes, but I have never seen people more caring, more loving. They tend to have a rather unusual way of showing it, it can be overwhelming, but your son will have the most loyal, most trusting man by his side, and very close by his side. Not to mention my boy is utterly besotted by yours, you have seen how close he cling to him. That seems to be a Potter trait as well, my daughter wrote back from her first week at Hogwarts, complaining about this boy, that had declared he was the one that was to marry her, during breakfast in the great hall no less. Potter, James Potter was the boys name. Oh what I got to hear about him.”

,,Well, it seems my son and your daughter started on similar footing. The first letter I received from Draco was a short report of him getting sorted into Slytherin and then a lengthy paragraph on Harry Potter, who had declined his friendship, hung about with Weasleys, got sorted into Griffendor and how terribly annoying it was that everyone only treated him as the-boy-who-lived.”

,,Oh yes, Lily used to complain about James friends as well. Sirius was especially despicable, I suspect because he got to spend the most time with him.”

,,Ron Weasley was always a sore spot for Draco. Miss Granger always bested him academically, but always seemed like the red-head was the greater danger. And their secret outings, how they infuriated him. _Potter and his two sidekick were caught sneaking around again...can you believe it, to be so stupid to get caught. With a **dragons** egg! I mean, where did they get it, what were they doing...” _ he imitated his son.

Mrs. Evans laughed. ,,Oh, the rants about his friend and their activities... _Can you believe it, he has the club, they call themselves the marauders, and it´s him, and Sirius and Remus and Peter, and they disappear at least once a month for the entire night and are always sneaking around past curfew and getting in all kinds of trouble, and coming back with scrapes and bruises and recently I had to patch them up, because they refused to go to Madam Pomfrey even though he was bleeding from his head, honestly I was scared he was going to pass out, not scared for him, I mean imagine the explaining I would have had to do to Professor McGonagall...and all he cared about was me healing it without having to cut his hair, not to ruin his oh-so-perfect locks.”_ She mimicked a young girls voice in return.

,,Oh yes, comments about the hair. Honestly I have heard so much about Potter hair... _it´s so unruly and sticks into every direction and honestly, can´t he us a comb or at least his fingers to flatten it...”_

_,,It´s like he never combs it and if he runs his finger through, it only gets worse, it´s so distracting in class, having hair sticking all over the place and honestly I wonder what kind of hair he has, what it feels like...I mean, it must be coarse as a brush...”_

,,And if it wasn´t the hair, it was the eyes... _they are literally emeralds, how can a Griffindor have emeralds eyes. But if I´m honest, they are more bottle-green. Common bottle-green, really, looking at them is like if you scrunch up one eyes and use the other to squint through a bottleneck and the sunlight reflect in the bottom of the bottle and suddenly everything is sparkling green and...a **common** green, I mean, nothing special...not like Slytherin green.”_

,,Well, since Harry got them from Lily, who got them from my side even though they skipped me, I never heard so much about green eyes, but I did hear quite a bit about the glasses....”

_,,And his glasses, they are always askew and always dirty, how can he even see, just looking at them gives you an itch to take them off and properly clean them, how could anybody see like that, much less catch a snitch...”_

_,,...I know you´re not supposed to punch someone who has glasses, I mean glasses are expensive, I understand that, so one day, when I finally am going to punch him, I´ll take them off first. So they don´t break, obviously. He won´t see me even coming. Literally. He can´t see anything without them. Sirius stole them off him once, he´s like a lost little puppy without them, really like a little labrador, scrunching up his face trying to make out his surroundings. Isn´t isn´t it funny how people without glasses look so much younger and vulnerable...like the time he got hit by a bludger and was in the hospital wing, he looked so pale at the time, well it might have been the moonlight, I went to see him after curfew...I guess I sort of owed him, he did get hit by that bludger because I was distracting him, not that I was doing anything special...I blew Marlene a kiss, when she scored and he was next to her in the air and well, though I meant him and...anyway, I don´t think Sirius is ever going to be commentator again, not after all that swearing through the stadium microphone, I swear McGonagall looked livid enough to hospitalize him next to James, but I can´t blame him, he was really scared for him, I mean he got a bludger full in the jaw, he was unconscious and fell off his broom like fifteen feet and hit the ground...it was terrible really. He never got hurt by a bludger before, he is always too fast, honestly, like a swallow, it´s truly amazing...if you´re into quidditch, I suppose...”_

_,,And he actually pulled off a wronsky feint, can you believe it? Like Krum, at the world cup. He swooped down, in such a tight arch, it was breathtaking. I can´t believe he never flew before our lessons in first grade, he couldn´t just be that good. I mean, he mounted that broom in such a practiced manner, like...breathing. Flying is like breathing to him, he doesn´t even know what he´s doing, he just reacts and...obviously I want him to choke and suffocate...but how could he have pulled off a **wronsky feint** , it´s like...watching him in the air, it´s like watching a bird, or a dancer, it seems so quick and effortless and...What? I would win more games if I started watching out for the snitch instead of Potter? Me, obsessed? Was that comment necessary? What, I don´t perv on him, he´s the stalker, not me! Honestly, believe me when I say Potter is the one who is obsessed...”_

_,,Mum, he´s constantly watching over me, it´s like he is stalking me, he knows my birthday, he even got me a present, it was this really cute scarf because I´m always cold in the potions dungeon, how does he even know that, isn´t it creepy...?”_

_,,I swear to Merlin that boy-who-just-wouldn´t-die need serious help. It is almost disturbing to see him so utterly obsessed over me. I mean, he literally will follow me down seven floors in the middle of the night. He even has an invisibility cloak he uses, I almost feel honored, being stalked with such dedication. Not that I want his attention, dear Salazar, there is nothing I hate more, but I won´t deny it gives a certain satisfaction in watching him pine after me...I mean it´s not a secret that Potter is as straight as Grangers hair, were a shame if he were straight...I mean, good for him, I´m not prejudiced, there is nothing wrong with liking boys, happens in the best families, see Theo for example, and Blaise might prefer girls but he´s never turned anyone down, for example...anyhow, it is rather flattering to have the chosen one constantly by your side, I mean at your heels. Really, it´s ridiculous...and the way he always shouts comments at me across the entire great hall, can you imagine father, the entire great hall. He will shout things from the Griffendor table loud enough for the entire school to hear, just to get my attention. I feel somewhat obliged to shout back. To show him how utterly ridiculous he is, obviously...”_

_,,Can you believe, he officially announced that he is going to **marry me** at breakfast again. Can you believe it? This is the third time he has done it! He said he will do it every year, so the first years get the message. As if I would ever date first years, but that´s beside the point. He actually stood on the table. And used sonorus. And Sirius lead the applause. McGongall gave him detention obviously...” _

Evelyn shook her head and sighed. ,,And then she came home in seventh grade and was in such a state going on and on:

,, _He asked me out! Can you believe the audacity, **him** asking ME out on a date. Like a real date. Like as if! I mean I accepted, because it would have been impolite not to, I mean it´s just one date! Its going to be horrible, urg, I cant wait for Saturday...I mean, I cant wait to get this over with, I mean going on a date...with Potter it´s so...Excuse me, I need to find a pillow to scream into.”_

  _,,He kissed me, can you believe the nerve, he **kissed** me, like on the mouth with his soft lips, can you believe the nerve having such soft lips, anyhow it was so...urg. HE BLOODY KISSED ME!”_ Lucius rolled his eyes. ,,Honestly, the rest of the week it was like he was on constant pepper-up potion. Red-faced, steam coming from his ears, unable to settle down, but his eyes...how they sparkled. It was his eyes that made me think it was a good thing, him and Harry. I had seen every last bit of light leave my sons eyes over the course of the war, I even had thought he had died during the last battle. But then, it was like every star of his name was shining in his eyes. How could I oppose anything that could make my son so happy. But, of course, he denied everything.”

,,I swear half of this white hair of mine is from listening to her ramblings how she definitely does not have feelings for James Fleamont Potter _...I mean honestly, Fleamont, how could a name be anymore ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as Alice insinuating I have **feelings** for him. Really, just because she and Frank are dating does not mean I should. Date. Date Potter, I mean. Well, I did. Went on a date. There is a difference between going on dates and dating. And it was only once. Once. One date. The time by the lake didn´t count as a date, that was spontaneous. And the Yule-ball we went as friends. And we constantly see each other in class and in the common-room, so I can´t see how we could see each other more...I mean we are constantly seeing each other, how could we start officially seeing each other when...no that sounds wrong, forget what I said. Anyhow I will not admit any feeling for James. Not that I ever had any in the first place, obviously....”_

_,,Father...Me, in love, with Harry Potter. Are you even listening to yourself, can´t you hear how absolutely ridiculous that sounds? Honestly, are you sure you are feeling all right, maybe you should lie down...should I send mother a patronus? Are you sure? If you say so...did you know Harry could produce a full patronus in third grade?”_

, _,He told me he loves me. LOVES ME! The nerve, can you imagine. I told him I love him back, it would have been impolite not to, but...let me go find a pillow to scream into.”_

_,,Harry is thinking about getting a flat in Muggle London. Really, what a ridiculous idea. He invited me to move in along, to help pay the rent, obviously, the rent is absolutely horrendous in the city. It would be an interesting experience, no doubt...I told him I would think about it, but really, **me** in Muggle London?...I know Harry grew up in completely muggle surroundings, so it can´t be too bad, and living together would be nice, I mean he could help me with muggle things, and having the company would be nice as well...what do you think?_

_,,And I met his parents and Monty was so nice, no he isn´t a pet, Fleamont is his father. Yes, he did go through quite a bit of torment in his school days, no, he doesn´t like nicknames, but he said it´s ok with me...I don´t know why. No, it´s not because I´m his future daughter-in-law. Honestly, why does everyone keep saying that...?_

_,,And my absolute favorite excuse ever...No, I do **not** fancy him. Yes, I spent the weekend at his house. I do _ not _fancy him, haven´t you ever heard of hate-sex?”_

_,,Mum, he asked me to marry, him can you believe, the nerve? MARRY HIM? I mean, I said yes, it would have been impolite not to, but...let me go find a pillow to scream into.”_

_,,I can´t leave diamond buying to Potter. Honestly, in the end I´ll end up with something tacky and tasteless, father where did you store the family heirlooms again? I´m looking for the band of Patrocles Malfoy, you know, gold, goblin made, seventeenth-century, the one with the...Propose? **Me**? As if, I don´t even like the bastard.”_

,,It seems we are veterans of the same futile battles, Mr. Malfoy.”  
,,Oh, do call me Lucius.”  
,,If you call me Evelyn.”  
,, It would be my pleasure.”

 

,,There is a rather disturbing aura coming from that room...” Luna murmured, pointing at the closed parlor door. The assembled wedding planners all nervously nodded in agreement.  
Narcissa opened the door and everyone peeked inside to see her husband and the elderly lady huddled together, a certain dark air of conspiracy surrounding them, whilst they were grinning evilly and snickering in sinister tones, eyes flashing dangerously.  
,,Oh my. They seem to get along rather well...”  
,,Too well...” Draco slowly inched closer to Harry. ,,You know, somehow, I feel scared...  
,,Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

 

Twenty two years later:

_,,...and then his hair, sticking all over the place. It looks like a fern shrub, covered in frost! You know, sort of droopy but the ice keeping it sort of spiky and honestly...WILL HE EVER STOP MUSSING IT UP EVEN MORE? SO RIDICULUS!”_

,,It is rather interesting, that while he inherited the Malfoy coloring, he also got the Potter texture.” Lucius mused. ,,Unlike the bottle, pardon emerald-green eyes, they are obviously from the Evans side.”

_,,Ugh, he is SO vain, he even charmed his robes to match the exact color of his eyes! And the glasses, he doesn´t even need them, not even for reading, he just puts them on in class to impress the teachers and his stupid fangirls, and to look like his famous father. Honestly, he thinks he is so special, being Quiddich captain and prefect, and I could just throttle him or shove him into a wall and...oh something. Punch him.”_

,,Ah yes, proving you unmeasurable and indefinite hatred by shoving your worst enemy into walls and broomcupboards and empty classrooms...”

,,I should have known.” Hermione groaned, forehead resting on the table between the saucers and teacups, the lace tablecloth no doubt leaving a pattern in her skin. ,,I should have know it was inevitable. Should have known from the day she first opened her mouth to speak.”

,,Hope always dies last.” Lucius patted her hand.

,,Her first words. My babys beautiful first words.”

,,Ah, yes, the legend of Rosemary Lillith Weasleys first words.”

,,Not a single one, for three years, can you imagine how worried we were for her. How many healers we visited, who all just reassured us she was physically capable of speaking but just...decided not to? She understood us alright, that was out of the question, she could read for Merlins sakes, but...just wouldn´t say a single word! And you son wasn´t helpful either, insinuating I had blathered enough in my lifetime for my daughter to go entirely without words through hers.”

,,Until the day she finally snapped and spoke a perfectly crafted sentence. And such a beautiful use of alliteration.”

,,I swear that was the moment Scorpius decided this was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with, his purpose in life being driving her crazy. I saw a fire ignite in his eyes that day, a fire as bright as the color of her curls.”

,,Oh yes, the look of the absolutely and utterly besotted. I remember him staring at her for the rest of the evening, gaze never faltering.”

,,Teddy said it will the opening quote for his speech at the wedding...”

,,And such beautiful words...”

 ** _,,Scorpius Sirius Potter, sit down, shut up and stop driving me crazy!”_** rang a voice through the hallway outside the parlor.

,,Some things don´t seem to change, do they?”

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I had so much fun writing this, and probably, I will find so much more to add to the list of ridiculous things the potters have done whilst wooing, that this fic might get updated into a longer version. I mean honestly, if you really think about it, they all are just plain ridiculous. I´m sorry for using that word so often, but it really is the only one that properly describes the whole scenario...
> 
> Please comment to you hearts desire, I always like to hear a bit of constructive criticism or just plain happy shipping mush... :)


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